Break off all contact. From everyone you know, from every place you frequent, from everything familiar. Be alone, devoid of concern for any other, bereft of care, unaffected by affection, untouched by expectations, your own or anyone else’s. Live in the moment, in your skin. Breathe in, breathe out. Sense and respond. Think. Think a lot. And deeply. But seek not answers. No, that trap is all too seductive. Seek not answers to questions asked of you, nor answers to questions you wish to ask others. No, no answers now. Only thoughts, just ideas, bereft of purpose or design.
Shield yourself from the incessant bombardment of your being by the debris of other’s feelings. It takes practice, to be unmoved, to be indifferent, to be free. But only when you’re free from the clutter of an ordinary existence, can you learn to hear your own voice, discover your own self. Unlearning a lifetime of experiences, overcoming influences, to seek that which existed in yourself from the beginning, that which you doubted even existed, but that which makes all the madness worth it. For you are not a social animal. You are only an animal.
Assumptions are foolish, predictions are untrue, and explanations, useless. The truth is arrived at by consensus, by an invisible, unobservable referendum, on every issue, for every belief. Accept, if only to cease the onslaught, to declare a reluctant truce in the relentless meaningless battle. Because that is the only way they will let you be.
The company of people is addictive. To feel more than your singular self, to never feel lonely, to never feel at all. To drown out the unfamiliar uncomfortable voice within. To not have a single thought of your own. That is the only way to convince yourself that you are happy. Till, if you are unfortunate, you find happiness is not enough. The guilt of your happiness will gnaw at you and the smiles become harder and harder to smile. The effort of acknowledging everyone around you will drain you. Of the capacity to think, of even the awareness of its need. Embrace that fate. Or, break off all contact.