Speak like a CEO

Found this statement by a CEO in a company report. You can fit the name of any business in the blanks, and it will make perfect sense. Its as if its from a "A handbook of CEO statements for every business".

A great example of speaking, without really saying anything; something we do all the time in an MBA program. And if this is what being a CEO is all about, I want my turn now!

“We remain solidly convinced about the business prospects of ___ ventures. Toward that end we have invested tremendous financial and human resources to establish a versatile and robust operating model, and I am glad to share that we have already made noticeable on-the-ground progress in this direction. We believe that we are on the cusp of the next growth wave and would like to be prepared to establish a sizeable footprint in this area.

I believe that ___ truly represents a win-win opportunity for both society and business, creating a real long term value proposition for all its stakeholders. Though there are short-term challenges that seem accentuated in the current economic environment, from a medium to long-term viewpoint the prospects are outstanding.

We are delighted to partner ___ which has a strong focus on the ___ sector, and further strengthen our relationship with ___, both of whom provide more than just capital to our business. They bring with them innovative ideas, a unique vision, and insights that are invaluable when establishing business in a developing sector. With marquee investors and an able management team, I am confident that ___ is positioned to become a global leader in ___ over the next few years.”

And I like Finance, because only a few can make sense of this:

"Financing structures that rely heavily on debt, result in shrinking debt service coverage levels given the medium‐term nature of the bank debt characterised by aggressive amortisation schedules and a floating interest rate with refinancing risk also present in a few instances."

Comments

  1. i harbour a special hatred for this kind of bile, having done MBA myself. maybe that is what all of us MBA wannabes aspire for, to be on stage and dole out the crap with a sombre expression.

    heh, i wonder how someone can say all that without loathing themselves.

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  2. @pankaj: I don't think this is what we consciously aspire for, though the paths we pursue have this as the destination.

    Wonder if something happens on the way that makes such stuff seem more meaningful then than it currently does.. Or maybe we'll just get used to loathing ourselves..

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